DANIEL E. BLACKSTON
  • Home
  • Stone Secrets Blog
  • SERVICES & FEEDBACK
    • POETRY FEEDBACK
    • Critiques and Editing
    • Poem Polisher
  • 7 Secrets of Poetry
  • Blackston Bio
  • Discover
  • ESSAYS
    • Non-Local Consciousness
    • Self-Identity
    • Being and Knowing
    • ​Concerning Kandinsky
    • Existential Metaphors
    • Sylvia Plath's "Tulips"
    • Sylvia Plath's "Blackberrying"
    • Sylvia Plath’s Ariel
  • MISSION
  • OCCULT & MAGICK
    • Ghost Flower
    • Order of the Crow
         STONE SECRETS  ​ 

   Creativity & Reflections
by Daniel E. Blackston

Rainbow Crow

12/22/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
Recently, I asked you to tell me which of these was better:

​The crow drank its fill
 from the snow’s melted puddle,
 sprayed rainbows flying away.

OR

The crow drank its fill
from a puddle of snow,
sprayed rainbows flying.

The response was heavily in favor of version 2. 

A.S. suggested that the poem could be made into a "formal" haiku like this:

The crow drank its fill
from a clear puddle of snow,
sprayed rainbows in flight.

I like that. No-one suggested a title, so I'll give it one of my own. Here's the final version:

​Snow Crow

The crow drank its fill
from a clear puddle of snow,
sprayed rainbows in flight.

​Can you think of further improvements?
talk

Categories

All
Camille Ralphs
Mentors
My Poetry
Poem Reviews
Poem Writing
Portrait Poems
Rattle Poetry
Surrealism
Sylvia Plath
Talk To Daniel
The Ariel Method

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • Stone Secrets Blog
  • SERVICES & FEEDBACK
    • POETRY FEEDBACK
    • Critiques and Editing
    • Poem Polisher
  • 7 Secrets of Poetry
  • Blackston Bio
  • Discover
  • ESSAYS
    • Non-Local Consciousness
    • Self-Identity
    • Being and Knowing
    • ​Concerning Kandinsky
    • Existential Metaphors
    • Sylvia Plath's "Tulips"
    • Sylvia Plath's "Blackberrying"
    • Sylvia Plath’s Ariel
  • MISSION
  • OCCULT & MAGICK
    • Ghost Flower
    • Order of the Crow