DANIEL E. BLACKSTON
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         STONE SECRETS  ​ 

   Creativity & Reflections
by Daniel E. Blackston

Rainbow Crow

12/22/2021

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Picture
Recently, I asked you to tell me which of these was better:

​The crow drank its fill
 from the snow’s melted puddle,
 sprayed rainbows flying away.

OR

The crow drank its fill
from a puddle of snow,
sprayed rainbows flying.

The response was heavily in favor of version 2. 

A.S. suggested that the poem could be made into a "formal" haiku like this:

The crow drank its fill
from a clear puddle of snow,
sprayed rainbows in flight.

I like that. No-one suggested a title, so I'll give it one of my own. Here's the final version:

​Snow Crow

The crow drank its fill
from a clear puddle of snow,
sprayed rainbows in flight.

​Can you think of further improvements?
talk

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  • Home
  • Stone Secrets Blog
  • Critiques and Editing
  • Poem Polisher
  • Blackston Bio
  • Discover
  • MISSION
  • Ghost Flower
  • Sylvia Plath's "Tulips"
  • Sylvia Plath’s Ariel
  • Sylvia Plath's "Blackberrying"
  • Non-Local Consciousness
  • Self-Identity
  • ​Concerning Kandinsky
  • Being and Knowing
  • Existential Metaphors
  • Submit a Poem